Wisconsin Death Trip

Uh, where do I start?

Mostly, where do I start without being unethical?

Let's just say that I had huge amounts of time wasted by Foxxy, who is now living with the transvestite decepticon.

Let's just say things were not as bad as I thought, on one level, and much worse on another level.

Let's just say that if I ever start killin' whores, I'll know which one to start with.

On to better stuff.

Northern Wisconsin is much, much prettier than I thought.
Slab City has one bar, which is named 'The Morgue'.
Needless to say, I now really, really, want to live in Slab City.

Oh, and I now want to raise sheep and alpaca and llama in northern Wisconsin.

I have fallen, and how to wash a llama

I'll admit that when She left, it threw me for a loop. Along with the fact that things have not gone swimmingly for the old man, at their undisclosed location, and that I've been a teensy bit pre-occupied at work.

All this adds up to no blog.

I hate when people will blog "Things were bad, no blogging" or "Life. Gah."

Let's just say that I slipped into a bit of a depression, that I was really worried, and that I'm not utterly happy with the way I handle stress.

I'm turning over a new leaf.

Now, on to the fun part.

How to wash a llama.

The backstory is thus:

Dr. Al's teaching assistant was listening to him talk about how I spin, and she said, "We have llamas."

Dr. Al said "Give us the llama wool."

She said, "Okay."

So we have two llama fleeces, right? and I'm like a little freaked out, 'cause like you should wash and pick this stuff, right?

Well people on the internets have lots and lots of opinions. Some think that you shouldn't have to wash your llama. Some people say that you should wash your llama.
To get slightly technical here, sheep have lanolin in their wool. Lanolin is used in hand lotion, and if you leave it in the fleece, you are "Spinning in the grease."

If you make yarn in this way, you will get a sweater that repels water (Good if you are an Irish fisherman).

If you choose not to spin in the grease, you must scour your fleece, to get rid of the lanolin. Lanolin can fuck up your pipes and your septic system, so be careful.
Scouring your fleece is a long project, needing orvus paste, and lots of hot water.

Fun, huh? Welcome to my new hobby.

Llama don't have lanolin in their fur. They have a completely different structure, and llamas have a top coat (long, course hairs called guard hairs), and a downy undercoat which is soft and yummy.

Llama, like alpaca lacks 'crimp'. In essence, good sheep wool has a little 'curl' which makes it easy to spin and gives in memory, or 'spronginess'(sure motherfucker, spronginess is not a made up word. It's a technical term. So shut up.)

The llama that we got were also work animals, they carry backpacks on long camping trips, so those llamas weren't wearing little coats to keep shit out of their fur.

So, these llamas, see needed to be washed.

I'm not claiming that my way is the right way, but if anybody out there has llama that is so dirty that they want to wash it, here you go.

1. Open the garbage bag that the llama is in. This is the scariest part.
My llama was 'skirted', which pretty much means that they had cut off the part filled with llama poo.

2. Pick through said llama. I tried to leave the llama in the biggest pieces I could.
Give each piece a good shake. Little bits of hay, and llama skank will fall out. There were a couple of good-sized chunks of llama poo.

You can compost all this stuff!

If there were any parts that were felted together, or if there were short 'second cuts', this is where I got rid of them.

At this point I suppose I could have sorted the guard hair from the soft down, but I didn't. More on my choice later.

At this point, I lost about a quarter of my llama. Not a huge loss, as a matter of fact.

3. Fill your extra bathtub with hot water.

4. Drop the llama in to the hot water, and give a couple of good sized squirts of dishwashing liquid.

Do not put llama in bathtub, then fill with hot water. Why? The agitation of the water hitting the fur might felt it. Felting is no bueno.

5. Carefully push llama under water. Do not move the fur around in the water too much.

Treat this shit like pastry, yo. Handle as little as possible.

6. Let llama sit. It will release a huge amount of a substance that I call 'llama skank'.

7. Move llama towards the top of the tub. Drain tub, and rinse out as much llama skank as you can.

8. Refill tub. Repeat steps 6-8 until there is very little llama skank.

9. Remove llama. Press out water between towels. Gently.

10. Spread llama out to dry. There are some people who suggest using an old screen door for this. I want an old screen door now. I spread mine out on the floor, on top of a sheet, and then covered llama with the other half of the sheet. Because of the three mutant cats.

11. Flip the sheet, so that llama can dry on both sides.

Do it again with the other llama.

So, I've been carding the llama together with hand-dyed wool top. One llama is a pretty carmel color, and the other is white. I'm going to dye the white llama.

I've made to skeins of llama/wool so far, and I'm going to keep them as singles, they have long color repeats so that they are self-striping.

Faux-no, is it were. (if you don't knit, you don't know about the Japanese company that makes self-striping yarn. Trust me, yo. This shit is the bomb. It's a cult)

I'm also thinking that it's time to invest in some more, and better dyes. Viva helped me with that.

I want true yellows, and oranges.

I want vibrant, pretty purples.

I want firehouse red.

Um, hell yeah.

So, I'm driving to a undisclosed location to see the old man on Sunday night. Dr. Al is staying here, and Bruce is driving.

I'll miss Dr. Al a whole bunch. I wish he could come, but frankly, this shit can't wait, and once I get it done, I'll feel soooooo much better.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...

She left this week.

I am heartbroken.